Rude Awakening
by Millennium Queen
Summary: Me and some buds pay a visit to the mansion on movie night. The X-Men will be sorry for it later.


Rude Awakening

  


By: Millennium Queen 

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters in this story. And I'm not making any money off of this.

**Summary: **The R-Squad pays a visit to the mansion on movie night. The next morning the X-Men are sorry they let them stay...tee hee! WARNING: SELF-INSERTION. (Run away! Run away!)

**Author's Note:** If you don't like the fic, don't read it. Flaming me is not going to change my opinions or how much I write. On the other hand if you have any high praise to give, if you wish to worship me or kiss my feet...that's all perfectly welcome. Every writer could use some encouragement...and human sacrifice... Also, if you have any helpful critique on my grammar, spelling, writing style, ect. I'm all ears.  
So bring on the reviews!

Little Preface Thingy: The three characters you don't recognize are part of the R-Squad. The R-Squad is a group of authors who band together to fight crime, using their omnipotent author powers to defeat baddies and force characters into funny, sometimes awkward situaitions for their own sadistic pleasure. Ha ha ha...  
Are you a little lost humorist? Do you want to be part of the R-Squad? E-Mail me. (I'm in the book) ~ ~ ~

I opened my eyes groggily then snapped them shut again as sunlight streamed in through the skylight and smacked me in the face.   
_'Wait...Skylight? I don't have a skylight...where the hell am I?'_ I forced my eyes open and glanced around the room. I registered the enormous big screen TV, the DVD player, the huge surround sound speakers...oh right. The mansion. I looked around for my team, and the first thing I saw was Scott and Jean curled up on a nearby armchair. Now, at any other time of day, I would have been delighted to see something like this, me being the rampant Scott/Jean fan I am. But: it wasn't any other time of day. It had been a total of six seconds since I had awakned and I was slightly disgruntled. So, the sight of the pair of lovebirds looking so blissfully happy succeeded only in making me sick.  
"Damn happy people..." I muttered, climbing off of the hard floor and looking around. I thought back to the night before. 

I fell asleep in the middle of 'Knotting Hill' it was hard to believe the men-folk had allowed it to enter the house. Jean must have used some sort of Jedi-mind trick, either that or she had pulled an "I Dream of Jeanie" on Scott. A little shake and wiggle and...BOING! (Get my drift? Wink-wink, nudge-nudge, Saynomore? *Good Grief. I hope I'm not corrupting any little kids...*)  
I remembered hearing Kitty and Rogue fighting over the couch just before I had fallen asleep. A glance in the direction of the furniture in question told me that Evan had tired of their bickering and taken the couch for himself. And judging from the long spikes sticking out of the cusions on either end, they hadn't been too keen on leaving.   
I did a quick mental inventory. That was Scott, Jean, Evan, Kitty, Rogue, and Nightcrawler was hanging from a nearby ceiling fan. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a mini tape recorder. I pressed the little red 'Record' button.  
"Note to self: get Nightcrawler a cape and cowell for future missions, and try to convince him to change his codename to 'Batman'." Then, I threw the recorder over my shoulder and listened as it hit the floor with a satisfying crunch.   
"Now, where was I?" I muttered, trying to remember exactly what I had been doing. "Ah yes...Scott, Jean, Evan, Kitty, Rogue and Nightcrawler..." that left two people unaccounted for. And unfortunately, they were both my demented teammates...  
"Man, I sure hope the Professor's not too attached to this mansion..." I muttered nervously at the thought of the damage my friends could cause.   
"Says you! Miss: 'I-Think-I'll-Bust-A-Hole-In-My-Dad's-Wall-With-My-Shoulder!'" said an indignant voice from behind me.  
I whirled around, expecting to see H2O Angel, and cried: "You promised you'd never bring that up in public!"  
I glanced around confused. H2O was no where to be seen. That's when I noticed the giant pile of Manga comic books in the middle of the floor. How I had failed to see it before, I wasn't sure, as it was at least three feet tall and it was _breathing_. Letting out a sigh of relief, I walked over and poked the Manga beast with my toe. It squeaked loudly. I grinned sadistically and moved to poke the pile again but this time, a hand reached out and smacked my foot away when it got too close.   
"Angel..." I growled, exasperated. I was about to execute a low kick, and knock my looser of a best friend awake, when a streak of black and orange darted in from the other room and began flashing it's claws and snarling and growling like an animal. H20 Angel poked her head out of hiding to find out what was going on.  
"Sita...what in God's name are you doing?" the orange blur stopped, and our last team member peered at me through the eyeholes in Wolverine's cotume.   
"Um...I was just...uh...testing. To make sure...Wolverine's fighting suit was in good...working condition...eh heh heh..."  
"Oh...Well okay then...carry on."  
"Thanks Queenie!" Lady Sita replyed, regaining some of her confidence and bounding away in the direction of the Danger Room. I glanced down at H20 Angel, who was staring up at me like a was a fruitless idiot. She always looks at me like that...  
"What?" she just shook her head and rolled her eyes. I heard her muttering something. It sounded suspiciously like: 'You are _such_ an idiot...' but I didn't ask. Instead I went in search of a clock. I wandered into the kitchen and blinked when I saw the time on the microwave clock. It was 3:00 in the afternoon. How on earth had we slept in so late? I scratched my head. This was a mind boggling puzzle.  
Then I heard the giggles coming from under the table. Actually, they were more like guffaws, but I'm kind of slow in the morning. I bent down and peered under the edge to see an insane blue sprite playing with a small metal object. She was still wearing Wolverine's battle suit.   
"SITA!" I bellowed "Put my plot device down!" she screamed and bolted from the room, my precious plot device clutched tightly in her fist and an angry Millenium Queen hot on her heels.  
'Well, at least I know what's wrong with the time...' I thought with a glance outside. The sun was setting. "SITA!" 

Ten minutes later I was standing back in the kitchen in front of the clock, which read 11:30. None of the time warps had ever occured. I shudder to think of what might have happened if I hadn't been carrying a spare plot device...

Now that everything was back to normal. Or, as normal as things got when you're part of the R-Squad, I returned to the TV room followed by Lady Sita. I had bargained with her: if she gave me my Plot Device back, I wouldn't make her change out of Wolverine's uniform.  
We found all the X-Men still sound asleep, and H20 Angel just climbing out of her nest of comics. She looked up when we entered. It seemed the same thought had crossed all of our minds at the same time as we glanced about the room at our sleeping comrades, for identical evil grins spread across all of our faces. We quickly joined in a huddle at the center of the room to formulate our plan.

When we were all in position, Lady Sita gave the signal. She flipped the switch of the fan to HIGH, then sat back and watched as Nightcrawler spun around the room at a dizzying pace, then flew from the fan and landed with a earth shattering crash in the next room. I wondered vaguely which one of the Professor's knick-knacks he may have broken, but decided it wasn't worth bothering about. The X-Men would take the heat for it later.   
I turned to H20 Angel in her position next to the couch. She winked at me, then grinned mercilessly as she carefully lifted Evan's hand and placed it into the large bowl of warm water she had conjured a few minutes earlier. I won't go into details, but the results were...messy.  
During our preparations we had duct taped Magic Markers to the fingers of two of our victims. H20 Angel and Lady Sita descended on the sleeping figures of Kitty and Rogue. H20 plucked two feathers from her left wing and handed one to Sita. She then proceeded to shove her feather as far up Rogue's nose as she could get it without touching her skin. Sita decided on a less grusome approach and simply tickled Kitty's face with her feather.   
I smiled at the result then turned with a sneer to the armchair where Scott and Jean sat, both still asleep and looking perfectly content. I activated my IceGirl powers; still leftover from last weeks X-Women RPG, and created a large pile of ice cubes in the middle of the floor. I then beckoned H20 and Sita who both stopped their tickling and joined me in front of the sleeping pair...

The screams were deafening. Kitty and Rogue shouted at the top of their lungs as they ripped the tape from their fingers ("AH! I, like, broke a nail!") and tried, without much succes, to rub the marker lines from their faces. Evan, who awoke with the realization of what he had done, sat silently on the couch with a pillow covering the enormous wet spot on his shorts. Kurt had apparently regained conciousness as he suddenly BAMPHed in shouting German curses into the mailee. Scott and Jean were both leaping around the room, flailing about trying to escape the shocking cold of my Ice Cubes of Death.   
Scott, in his atempt to dislodge a cube from his pants, inadvertanly dropped his glasses and blasted a hole straight through the wall. No one seemed to notice.  
"By the Bright Goddess, what is going on here?!" Storm cried from the doorway. When she was ignored, she fried everyone with a lightning bolt (except for me, because I'm the author and that's the way it is...)   
"Now, could somebody please tell me what is going on--" she was cut off as Logan leapt passed her, wearing nothing but a pair of bright purple boxers with yellow polka dots.  
"Where the Hell's my uniform?" he bellowed with animalistic rage "I left it in the--oh no." he noticed Lady Sita in the corner, her eyes had turned to huge hearts, and she was drooling. "It's...it's..._her_" Logan cried in anguish and tore from the room in a flash of purple. Sita glided out of the room behind him.   
"Oh Looooooo-gan..." sang the love-stricken teenager as she followed him down the hall. There was a ghastly shriek from Logan and they were no longer heard from.  
I shook my head in disgust.   
"That girl has no self control...I mean, at least we can control ourselves, right H2O--" I stopped short as I noticed that H2O wasn't listneing. She was too busy putting the moves on Kurt.  
"Good grief!" I cried, smacking myself in the forehead. I was about to comment on the inability of my teammates' to keep their hormones in check, when the Professor's voice cut through my thoughts.   
::X-Men! I am in great peril! Come quickly to Cerebro and rescue me!::  
::What's wrong Professor?:: asked Jean. There was no response but silence. ::Professor?::  
::It appears that someone is playing a cruel joke and I am the victim. That is to say, the victim is me. What is meant by that is: it is a joke in which the butt is me. That is to say--:: ::What IS it?:: Jean was growing impatient. Probably because she still had an ice cube stuck in the back of her shirt.   
::Well...someone has attached 'The Club' to one of the wheels of my chair and I'm trapped in Cerebro...::  
I shrank back as every eye in the room turned on me.   
"You know _MQ_, I can't help but notice that 'The Club' you brought in here with you last night has stangely dissapeared...do you know what happened to it by any chance?" Cyclops growled, advancing on me.  
"Eh...heh heh...funny thing actually, it seems to be stolen..." _Oh crap..._  
"Stolen? Oh really? You're sure you didn't get up and walk to Cerebro to trap the Professor there so that he couldn't interfere with your meciless and rude awakening of us innocent X-Men?!"   
"Look...I-I couldn't have had anything to do with it...I was here all night...right H2O?" I turned to the spot she had occupied a second earlier only to find she was gone. Only a few loose feathers remained, still floating towards the ground to indicate she had beat a hasty retreat.  
"Eh heh heh..." I glanced nervously around at the rest of the X-Men. They were all bearing down on me, looking muderous.  
"Yipe!" I squeaked, and reached into a fold of my gown to pull out an ACME Plot Hole. I always keep one on hand in case such a situation should arise. I tossed the hole onto the floor and dove through it just in time to dodge an optic blast from Cyclops. 

I breathed a sigh of releif as I walked down the street away from the mansion. I wondered vaguely what had happened to Wolverine and decided I was better off not knowing...  
Then, I jumped into the air and flew away because I got tired of writing this fic and I couldn't come up with a good ending anyway...

**-End**  
Okay...that was the dumbest thing I've ever written...man, I really have no dignity whatsoever...


End file.
